Beloved

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. It sings the tune without words. And never stops at all.

My Role as a Youth Pastor’s Wife (Deny Yourself)

The Lord has truly revealed Himself to me this morning, in the plans that He has for me and in His timing. I have been feeling very lost, very confused, and truly not knowing my place lately. My husband is a youth pastor, and a incredible one at that. Because he is willing to be used by God, be shaped and molded by Him. Because of that, God is using him so much, and it is an amazing thing to watch and to be apart of. At the first church he worked at, there was not many resources…at all. So I was his major resource…I was his main helper. It was alot, it was stressful and tiring at times…but I loved it. I felt needed, wanted, but I do see now that it was to an unhealthy point. I would be running every wednesday from one thing to the next and I always had something to do.

Now he is at a new church, a big church, that has lots and lots of resources. I began to ask myself, “Now where do I fit in?” “What is my place?” “Where is my role?” I began to doubt (satan is really annoying) that my husband needed my help, that I was even wanted there. I started just to harbor frustration in my heart and lots of sin. But thankfully I came to the Lord with my burdens and He showed me…that this is NOT ABOUT ME!!

I know I have heard that all my life, “this life isnt about me, but what God does through me and all the glory goes to Him. Yea yea I got it I got it.” But have I ever really understood that? Have I ever really grasped that I need to deny myself? That this life isnt about me. It’s not about me playing soccer anymore, scoring goals, winning awards and people telling me Im good. No it is about me coaching girls, and trying to help them with their skills and reach their dreams. Its not about me playing music and playing shows in bars, coffee shops, house parties, etc, to try and get people to buy my cd, like my music, subscribe to me on youtube. No. It is about leading worship, singing songs to my amazing Jesus and being an example on the stage that I sing for an Audience of One and He deserves ALL the glory, ALL the praise, ALL the recognition. One of your greatest challenges will be to resist promoting yourself and trying to succeed on your own, then asking God to bless your efforts. God’s not interested in second-hand glory. He wants the credit for what He (not you) accomplishes in your life.

I must PICK UP MY CROSS! 1 Corinthians 15:31, Paul says, “I die daily.” DAILY. Not just once I make a stand, I put a stake in the ground to remember this moment, no…daily, every day, all through out my day. Romans 6:11, “Count yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God.” I truly am trying so hard to grasp this, and it is going to be a growing season of me understanding, my life is not my own, but truly about how God wants to use me for HIS GAIN, for HIS KINGDOM ADVANCEMENT.

I have also had a struggle lately with wanting a baby. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 months, and it is only natural to see babies and think wow one day we are going to have one!! But it has been hard seeing a lot of my friends be pregnant and they are starting that next stage in their lives. I started to question, “Well what about me?” “When are we going to start our family?” ME. WE. WHAT ABOUT ME? I was thinking so selfishly and jealousy was filling my heart, and I didnt even realize it. (sneaky satan) But the Lord has been clearly showing me that right now is not the time. And that is okay! :) I have a chance to make an impact on the girls in our youth group, and if I was pregnant, my focus would not be on them but on the family that we are about to start. I only have this season of being the “hip, cool, young wife” for a few years ;). I will only be this age for so long, to help bridge that gap to truly be able to reach these girls, hopefully be an example, mentor, and role model to them. The Lord has entrusted me with this generation of girls. What am I going to do about it? Am I going to waste my time looking at other girls, being envious of where they are, jealous that they are pregnant?” Or am I going to start looking at what the Lord has blessed me with, stop being so restless, and enjoy this SEASON!

THIS SEASON!!!!!!! I will never get this time back of truly loving on and helping these young girls find their way, find themselves, and find there love in their Heavenly Father. But I want to be truly thankful and joyful for this season, for this time. And I want to be fully present. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” Be still and know that He has a plan, His timing is TRULY PERFECT. Trust Him with it.

I must FOLLOW HIM! Too often we take God’s presence for granted because He said He would never leave us. But He also said: ‘You did not choose me…I chose you’ John 15:16. It is not God’s job to follow you, it is your job to follow Him! When you do, it will cost you, change you, and challenge you. Sometimes you will go through valleys, other times you will stand with Him on the mountaintop. You must be willing to follow Him anywhere, any time, under any conditions; that is the deal! 

Those are my thoughts, my prayers, and my deep desires right now. I am thanking my God for a husband that loves me despite my flaws, my sin, and loves me always and takes the time everyday to listen to me, whether Im right or wrong. And I am thanking the Lord for showing me that He is not finished with me, I must remain in the fire to be molded and changed, and to continually deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Him.

Love,

Heathery

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